By V. P. Mosser
A wise old lady was asked to share her insights on the problem that is inherent with intimate relationships. The wise-m'am was reluctant to do so, but after some prodding she relented by saying, "Only if we can talk openly, where no one is an expert, so we may be able to see the problem unfold before us."
The Wise-m'am was asked, "Where should we begin?"
She proceeded by saying, "We might be better served to begin at the point after the initial attraction between two people, when dating begins the process of romantic, passionate attachment, when the heat of intimate relationship begins. Romance is the match that lights the fire between individuals, but it requires something else to sustain the burn. Is it not important for us to discover what those ingredients are that combine to sustain the relationship burn?"
Someone spoke up and put the question to the Wise m'am regarding, shouldn't we ask what we mean by intimate relationship? Wise-m'am agreed that was a reasonable place to begin.
Wise-m'am went on to suggest, "Relationship seems to imply a connection of, or between, two individuals which serves to bind the participants-is that not the state of affairs as we've come to know it today? It is the process of becoming interrelated into a single unit that is known to us as an intimate relationship. Intimate relationship often has a sexual component attached to it-but not always."
The question was put to Wise-m'am "What do you think is the biggest determining factor to a successful intimate relationship?"
Wise-m'am smiled and said, "Depends on who you ask, but most women would probably say love, many men might say sex-not necessarily good sex-just sex."
The audience chuckled to hear those words coming from such a wise and serous woman.
Wise-m'am continued, "Let us assume-and rightly so-that love is the bedrock for any meaningful intimate relationship. That being said, the one variable after love with the greatest impact to an intimate relationship would have to be the level of compatibility between the respective participants. This relates to traits like a harmonious fit, as well as the level of flexibility, and adaptability of the participants. We should say that there are two critical components to compatibility, and those are the needs, and wants of the participants, and how well they serve their personal interests as well as the interest of the relationship."
"So let us clarify what we mean by need and want. A need can be said to require something essential or indispensable, or require or feel the necessity for something specific. Another way to put it would be to characterize a need as a demand made on the relationships and the participants, such as the need to be honest with one another or to be monogamous."
"Let us now clarify what is meant by want. Couldn't we say that want is rooted in desire or craving? It is the inclination toward something or to have a fondness for something. For example; I want us to spend Sundays together as a family unit, or it could be as simple as I want some ice cream. In the end it comes down to how well the relationship meets the needs and wants of the participants, does it not? It is a matter of blending the needs and wants of the individual participants into a combination that is unique to the intimate relationship. So, it appears that what has been revealed to us is that the inherent problem in intimate relationship comes down to the compatibility of the participants. This demonstrates the significance of compatibility, and the quality of the relationship. Do we agree?"
Successful entrepreneur, V.P. Mosser is the creator of the Learn the Lessons Series, the Life's Journey publication and numerous thought provoking articles. To learn more and receive free chapters or issues, visit http://www.learnthelessons.com
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